(10/28-10/31) Iceland
Reykjavik and the golden triangle
So, if you want a taste of the big city and crave the diversity of a global melting point…you will be terribly disappointed by Reykjavik and Iceland. If, on the other hand, you are cool with experiencing a place like few others on earth populated by actual f’ing Vikings, then you’re in luck my friend. We happened to be of the latter disposition and hope you would be too (before doing zero research and somehow ending up in Iceland like a rube). Reykjavik itself won’t be winning any awards for architecture—looks like it was designed by Ikea—and it’s almost exactly the size of my hometown of Albany, NY. All of that said, it’s a fantastic town-like city with wonderful people, surprisingly delicious food and bars created/populated by people that really appreciate drinking (even at inflated prices). In addition, they also have an awesome public pool with heated baths and one of the most kickass waterslides I’ve ever had the pleasure of watersliding upon. It also, doesn’t hurt that the city(ish) is surrounded by snowcapped mountains and the slate gray Northern Atlantic ocean at the same time. It also ALSO didn’t hurt that we were able to spend our time here with our unbelievably better-than-best friend Matt. I digress.
Even better, it’s easy to access some of the natural wonders in this remote, northernmost country in a completely painless way during daytrip. The Golden Triangle, which I am sure only barely scratches the surface in terms of what there is to see outside of Reykjavik, is still really awesome. It refers to the trifecta of the visible rift between the North American and Eurasian tectonic plates, the original geyser—Geysir—and the stunning Gullfoss waterfalls (that also were not surprisingly bone-chilling in late October with a nice, driving wind and four hours of poor daylight). We loved Iceland. It’s fantastically different than anywhere we’ve been and we sincerely hope to go back.
Even better, it’s easy to access some of the natural wonders in this remote, northernmost country in a completely painless way during daytrip. The Golden Triangle, which I am sure only barely scratches the surface in terms of what there is to see outside of Reykjavik, is still really awesome. It refers to the trifecta of the visible rift between the North American and Eurasian tectonic plates, the original geyser—Geysir—and the stunning Gullfoss waterfalls (that also were not surprisingly bone-chilling in late October with a nice, driving wind and four hours of poor daylight). We loved Iceland. It’s fantastically different than anywhere we’ve been and we sincerely hope to go back.
(10/19-10/28) Scotland, uK: slayer of sunshine
edinburgh, scotland
Wow…where to begin. Edinburgh is fantastic. It’s so damn Scottish! And old! And Scottish!! Edinburgh Castle, looking like something from a very well executed theme park, dominates the view high above the city. The city below is almost a uniform dark, slate grey that seems to perfectly match the mood and disposition of the people who reside within it. This is no way a frilly or ornate place, as the Scots are neither a frilly or ornate people (although it would be really fun to hear them say that). That’s in no way a bad thing. It’s Scottish. The pubs and restaurants we visited were almost universally excellent and it’s an easy city to happily lose yourself in (barring ending up in one of the slums depicted in Trainspotting, of course). Not only is the city itself awesome, but you can go for a legitimate hike (actually more than a few) right there and then. It’s pretty surreal to just walk right up from a city street onto a mountain trail that leads to a million dollar view (only 750k pounds!). We loved it and would absolutely go back. Also, didn’t hurt our impression that we actually saw the sun a couple times, which was more than we could say for the rest of Scotland…but more on that to follow…
oban, scotland
If you’re looking for beautiful beaches, sunny days and old world charm…you probably aren’t looking for Oban. If you’re looking for a gritty, working fishing town with driving rain, seaweed strewn pebble beaches and a general malaise, book your next rusty trawler to Oban! Alright, it didn’t help that we were here in October and it literally didn’t stop raining the entire time we were there. Nor did it help that the famously delicious scotch by the same name wouldn’t let anyone take a distillery tour, and no one in town actually drank it anyway. We also stayed in a fairly rundown place just above one of the loudest bars in town, so that might have left us with a less than positive impression. All that said, it wasn’t the worst place and it made for a good launching point to visit the surrounding attractions like Glen Coe (an unbelievably gorgeous valley, even in the rain) and the numerous castles that dot the landscape. Would we stay in Oban again or recommend it to anyone visiting Scotland? Absolutely not! Would we visit the surrounding area again and send friends to do the same? Absolutely! You might even stop in Oban for some Cullen Skink, which sounds like a creepy, clever lizard but is actually a delicious smoked seafood chowder. Then leave! Anyhow, probably unfair to judge it in literally a harsh light (as in, there was no light), but we were a bit disappointed by the town itself…if you couldn’t tell.
Glasgow, scotland
It’s no Oban (plus!), but it’s no Edinburgh either (negative!). We didn’t spend a huge amount of time here, but Glasgow felt like it was a work in progress that wasn’t necessarily being built according to a blueprint. Aspects of it actually reminded me of Queens (and who doesn’t want that), as in it felt kind of like a mishmash of newer and older constructions, assembled willy-nilly as things were deemed needed or wanted. It lacked the gravity and sense of history that Edinburgh had in spades. It was obviously more new business than its older, cultural counterpart. All that said, it’s a cool enough place and we absolutely loved the Kelvingrove Museum. It’s fantastic. It’s got something of everything Scottish and it’s laid out in such a way that it creatively tells the stories of art, history and natural history right alongside each other. If you are in Glasgow, I would say this should be one of the first places you visit. We loved it. There is also a fantastic food and pub scene, as we found through a good portion of Scotland. Any stereotypes about bland, bad food in the UK should not apply here or elsewhere. Again, not a tourist destination, but that’s not why most places exist. It’s a banking hub and it’s surprisingly close to many of Scotland’s natural wonders. You could do far worse as a place to live. Also, you get to call yourself a Glaswegian…which is awesome.
(10/15-10/19) England, UK: we can talk again!!
london
It’s not really fair for me to write about London as a tourist as most of my father’s family lives in or around it, and I’ve been more than a few times (sips tea, adjusts monocle, mumbles about crumpet crumbs on ascot). As I always have, we stayed with my awesome aunt and uncle (who get great reviews on TripAdvisor), so a bit of a different experience from what many might have (and much cheaper). That said, it’s a fantastic city for those that love cities as it’s obviously on a short-list of the world’s greatest. I’ve often said it reminds me, in certain ways, of New York and I wouldn’t say our most recent visit changed that impression. The energy is manic, the museums are of another level, and you won’t even scratch the surface of what it has to offer unless you spend a very significant amount of time there…it’s staggering. If you’re worried about the food and have harbored stereotypes about British food, you shouldn’t be. The food, in London in particular, has been good for years now. If you’re worried about it being expensive, you should be. To make matters worse, you’ll find yourself justifying everything by pretending pounds are dollars. “Oh…it’s 7 bucks for a beer….times 1.5…but basically 7 bucks!” Get ready to have your wallet rodgered.
kendal
We would have had no idea where Kendal was or ever even heard of it had it not been for my awesomely helpful uncle, but we expressed our desire to break up the drive to Scotland somewhere nice and “British-y” and he delivered. Kendal is in the Lakes District of England (also, no idea this existed…and didn’t actually see any lakes), and it most definitely delivers on the “British-y” front. It’s a beautiful old town (like England “survived the plague” old…not US “built in 1934” old) with lovely stone houses and winding streets set along both banks of a ridiculously picturesque river. We were really only passing through for a night and a day, but I think we definitely would have spent more time there if we had known. If you’re looking for unbelievably quaint Britain, you could do much worse than Kendal.
(10/10-10/15) Dubrovnik: winning at the game of thrones
If you’ve at all been interested in Croatia, you’ve probably been interested in Dubrovnik. So were we. Turns out, all that interest has gone noticed by its residents and they have decided to make you pay for it by becoming the most expensive location in the Balkans. Also turns out, you’ll begrudgingly be more than fine with that because it’s ridiculous how pretty the whole area, and the city itself, are.
Starting with the city itself, you might look at it and be like “hey, this looks like King’s Landing from Game of Thrones” (if you are a huge dork like myself). And then you’ll be like, holy shit…this literally is King’s Landing. They film it there. And then you’ll punch the next blond person that walks by because they are probably a Lanister and the Lanisters are dicks. And then you’ve taken it too far. Don’t punch people.
Anyhow, the city almost seems artificially pristine, but it’s the real deal. It’s just managed to hold its own against adversaries, plague and the sea for a very long time. Its greatest threat was actually recently when some not-so-friendly neighbors shelled the city in 1991. You can barely tell. The streets are white marble and the buildings are like…well…Kings Landing. There are imposing, thick surrounding walls that you can walk for a hefty price, and the entire city is surrounded by crystal blue-green water. You can actually swim off the rocks right outside, and I’d highly recommend that. Big difference from New York.
As for around Dubrovnik, there are numerous islands and beaches that can be visited easily without a car even. Personally, we loved the nearby island of Lokrum for hiking and swimming (no real beaches), and the further afield island of Lopud was gorgeous and had a breathtaking beach to match. It’s was very cool that you could just jump on a ferry and be transported somewhere that felt very far away from the bustle of Kings Landing…I mean Dubrovnik. All said, while it was pricey for the Balkans and had surprisingly mediocre food, it’s not pricey in terms of Western Europe and it’s a lot prettier than a lot of the places I’ve been there (no offense…citizens of Western Europe). Well worth visiting.
Starting with the city itself, you might look at it and be like “hey, this looks like King’s Landing from Game of Thrones” (if you are a huge dork like myself). And then you’ll be like, holy shit…this literally is King’s Landing. They film it there. And then you’ll punch the next blond person that walks by because they are probably a Lanister and the Lanisters are dicks. And then you’ve taken it too far. Don’t punch people.
Anyhow, the city almost seems artificially pristine, but it’s the real deal. It’s just managed to hold its own against adversaries, plague and the sea for a very long time. Its greatest threat was actually recently when some not-so-friendly neighbors shelled the city in 1991. You can barely tell. The streets are white marble and the buildings are like…well…Kings Landing. There are imposing, thick surrounding walls that you can walk for a hefty price, and the entire city is surrounded by crystal blue-green water. You can actually swim off the rocks right outside, and I’d highly recommend that. Big difference from New York.
As for around Dubrovnik, there are numerous islands and beaches that can be visited easily without a car even. Personally, we loved the nearby island of Lokrum for hiking and swimming (no real beaches), and the further afield island of Lopud was gorgeous and had a breathtaking beach to match. It’s was very cool that you could just jump on a ferry and be transported somewhere that felt very far away from the bustle of Kings Landing…I mean Dubrovnik. All said, while it was pricey for the Balkans and had surprisingly mediocre food, it’s not pricey in terms of Western Europe and it’s a lot prettier than a lot of the places I’ve been there (no offense…citizens of Western Europe). Well worth visiting.
(10/6-10/10) MONTENEGRO: TINY BIg TIME AWESOME
KOTOR
After passing through a fairly sketchy and depressing Serbian enclave within Bosnia-Herzegovina called Republika Srpska and being grilled like sketchy Srps(?) by a Montenegrin border guard, we entered Montenegro.
Somewhat true to its name, there are in fact a lot of mountains in this tiny country, but none that we saw appeared to be black. That was fine with us. We did not ask for our money back. It was rugged and beautiful, and when we finally got a glimpse of the Bay of Kotor after an hour or so driving through the ‘Montes,’ we were blown away. While neither of us have laid eyes on a proper fjord, nor have any real degree of education regarding what actually makes something a fjord, this certainly had all the hallmarks we imagine there would have been if we actually knew what to look for. Apparently we’re not the only nincompoops to have thought this as it was considered Europe’s southernmost fjord until some uppity scientists with their facts had to rain all over the nincompoopery and point out that it was not in fact a fjord. Who cares?? It’s still super fjord’yish.
Anyhow, we stayed just outside of actual Kotor’s old town (the bay itself is extensive with many separate towns). The town is walled and set below a fortress seemingly a thousand-feet straight up above it. It’s looks like it’s straight out of Lord of the Rings and the walk up seemingly takes as long as said movie. That said, it’s completely worth it for the view and the exercise one needs to justify eating Balkan food on a daily basis.
Outside of the old town (and try to explore that on a day when the cruise ship isn’t in port if possible), there are numerous beautiful beaches to visit within an hour’s drive. One that made a huge impression on us was Plavi Horizonti. It’s nothing special to look at as a beach alone, but it might have been the clearest and calmest water either of us had swam in outside of a swimming pool. And…less kids had peed in it. That alone should be a reason to visit beautiful Montenegro.
Somewhat true to its name, there are in fact a lot of mountains in this tiny country, but none that we saw appeared to be black. That was fine with us. We did not ask for our money back. It was rugged and beautiful, and when we finally got a glimpse of the Bay of Kotor after an hour or so driving through the ‘Montes,’ we were blown away. While neither of us have laid eyes on a proper fjord, nor have any real degree of education regarding what actually makes something a fjord, this certainly had all the hallmarks we imagine there would have been if we actually knew what to look for. Apparently we’re not the only nincompoops to have thought this as it was considered Europe’s southernmost fjord until some uppity scientists with their facts had to rain all over the nincompoopery and point out that it was not in fact a fjord. Who cares?? It’s still super fjord’yish.
Anyhow, we stayed just outside of actual Kotor’s old town (the bay itself is extensive with many separate towns). The town is walled and set below a fortress seemingly a thousand-feet straight up above it. It’s looks like it’s straight out of Lord of the Rings and the walk up seemingly takes as long as said movie. That said, it’s completely worth it for the view and the exercise one needs to justify eating Balkan food on a daily basis.
Outside of the old town (and try to explore that on a day when the cruise ship isn’t in port if possible), there are numerous beautiful beaches to visit within an hour’s drive. One that made a huge impression on us was Plavi Horizonti. It’s nothing special to look at as a beach alone, but it might have been the clearest and calmest water either of us had swam in outside of a swimming pool. And…less kids had peed in it. That alone should be a reason to visit beautiful Montenegro.
(10/3-10/6) Bosnia AND Herzegovina: vacation land!
Mostar
You might not hear Bosnia-Herzegovina and think “next vacation.” And, to be fair, not sure I would send you there on your next vacation if that was the only place you had in mind. But...I would definitely tell you check it out if you were in the area. Specifically, check out the ancient Ottoman city of Mostar, which is only a couple hours inland from the Croatian coast and is a sight to behold, for reasons both good and not-so-good.
Once you enter Bosnia-Herzegovina (and we were actually in Herzegovina), you immediately notice the difference. It’s much, much less polished than Croatia and the signs of the civil war are immediately more apparent. Political posters based on ethnic alliances adorn the highway and you can tell the local economy has not recovered in the way that its neighbor’s has. There’s a general feeling of lawlessness, but it’s somewhat refreshing at the same time. It feels more honest in a way considering how recently everything was decidedly not ok in this region.
As for Mostar itself, it is famous for an iconic arched stone bridge that spans a crystal clear, green river, and connects the West and East sides of the city. The original bridge was a marvel of Ottoman engineering when they were calling the shots in this 'hood. I say original, because that bridge was blown to smithereens by the ethnic Croat residents of Mostar who live on the Western side of the city during their civil war with their Bosniak Muslim neighbors. It really wasn’t cool. Anyhow, with some help from the UN, the bridge was completely reconstructed with the same building materials and methods that the Ottoman’s used. It’s still a sight to behold and the old section of the city will transport you to a different place and time entirely, especially when you hear the calls to prayer from the city’s many minarets. It’s fairly magical, even with the ever-present reminders of the war’s destruction all around it. We found the people to be genuinely friendly, the surrounding countryside to have some natural gems well worth a day trip, and the food to be the best we had in the Balkans. Yes, we all hear Bosnia and think of ethnic strife--and it's still there on some level--but it's also a remarkably beautiful place that you'll find unbelievably welcoming if you take the plunge.
Once you enter Bosnia-Herzegovina (and we were actually in Herzegovina), you immediately notice the difference. It’s much, much less polished than Croatia and the signs of the civil war are immediately more apparent. Political posters based on ethnic alliances adorn the highway and you can tell the local economy has not recovered in the way that its neighbor’s has. There’s a general feeling of lawlessness, but it’s somewhat refreshing at the same time. It feels more honest in a way considering how recently everything was decidedly not ok in this region.
As for Mostar itself, it is famous for an iconic arched stone bridge that spans a crystal clear, green river, and connects the West and East sides of the city. The original bridge was a marvel of Ottoman engineering when they were calling the shots in this 'hood. I say original, because that bridge was blown to smithereens by the ethnic Croat residents of Mostar who live on the Western side of the city during their civil war with their Bosniak Muslim neighbors. It really wasn’t cool. Anyhow, with some help from the UN, the bridge was completely reconstructed with the same building materials and methods that the Ottoman’s used. It’s still a sight to behold and the old section of the city will transport you to a different place and time entirely, especially when you hear the calls to prayer from the city’s many minarets. It’s fairly magical, even with the ever-present reminders of the war’s destruction all around it. We found the people to be genuinely friendly, the surrounding countryside to have some natural gems well worth a day trip, and the food to be the best we had in the Balkans. Yes, we all hear Bosnia and think of ethnic strife--and it's still there on some level--but it's also a remarkably beautiful place that you'll find unbelievably welcoming if you take the plunge.
(9/24-10/3) CROATIA PART 1: obnoxiously pretty all over the place
Slunj/Plitvice National Park
Equally phonetically challenging (as most things in the Balkans are), Slunj (pr: Sloon) and Plitvice (pr: Plit-vee-cha) are located in inland Croatia and well worth taking a jaunt away from the coast to check out. Slunj itself is a tiny town with no real center. We actually stayed in Rastoke, just outside of town. It’s an even more minute village almost entirely situated on and around numerous rivulets that run between the homes and converge into a few pretty significant waterfalls, ending in the river below. It’s beautiful. This, it turns out, is just a taste of what you’ll see in Plitvice National Park, the real reason you should find yourself here. Plitvice is a stunning series of tiered lakes in a long canyon that create numerous waterfalls that pour out between rows of trees and ridges covered in moss. It’s like something out of Lord of the Rings , but minus the CGI and hairy-toed pipe smokers. One tip…it’s no secret among domestic and near-domestic tourists (I’m looking at you Germans), so definitely would recommend getting there early before the tour buses unload some path clogging Euros. We were very glad we did.
ZADAR
Yes this may sound like the name of an alien bad guy in sci-fi film, or a greasy guy that would try to sell you pirated DVDs from the back of his Vespa, but this is actually an ancient town on the Adriatic in Croatia. The Romans settled here first, likely because it is set on an idyllic stretch of coastline with impeccable weather. At least, I’m guessing that’s what the Romans liked. Anyhow, it’s still got it! And a bunch of other stuff those backward Romans couldn’t figure out. Like what you ask? Well, the waterfront near their ferry dock has a ‘sea organ’ that plays a hypnotic, and entirely random set of tunes based on the wave action at the time. It’s amazing and contributed heavily to some of the most incredible sunsets I’ve ever been able to enjoy with my wife (or anyone else for that matter). The city itself is beautiful, holding on to the charm contributed by its many different denizens over the centuries while adding a nearly unfathomable amount of pizza parlors since communism fell. Win win. Zadar is usually used a jumping off point for the islands, but it is most definitely worth a visit on its own. There are beautiful beaches both in town and just outside, stunning city walls, and plenty of fun to be had at night. If Zadar wants to sell you something off the back of its Vespa, you should buy it.
OMIS/SPlit
Just outside Croatia’s Split is the small coastal town of Omis. Omis is arrayed around a gorgeous bay on the Adriatic across from some of Croatia’s many coastal islands, with its old town area abutting a nearly vertical mountain face with an ancient fortress atop (which we would recommend the hike up to). Let’s just say it’s pretty ridiculously awesome. We stayed in a very reasonably priced hilltop apartment in a villa, all within walking distance of town. This, also, did not suck. There are beaches for swimming right in town, but we both chickened out when we learned that the river that runs into the bay makes the water like 15 degrees cooler than the rest of the coast. Knowing that, we hopped in our rental car named "Pivo" and went to an amazing beach called Brela just 30 minutes to the north with some of the clearest water we’ve ever been in. It didn’t hurt that the drive to and from was breathtaking. We loved the beach and we loved being in Omis.
In terms of Split, we did manage to drag ourselves away from Omis for a “not perfect” weather day and we were glad to check it out. It is Croatia’s second largest city and it definitely feels that way, so I can’t say we were upset to not be spending more than the day there. The main attraction in Split, which was unbelievable, is Diocletian’s Palace. Diocletian’s Palace is where Diocletian, the last pagan emperor of Rome and a big fan of feeding Christians to his lion friends, retired. If you think for a second what a Roman emperor’s retirement pad might look like, you’ll get the picture. It’s spectacular, beautifully preserved, and most amazingly the city still lives in and around it. Ironically, much to Diocletian’s bigoted ghost’s displeasure, it remained in great shape because the Christian church took it over. Definitely worth a visit.
In terms of Split, we did manage to drag ourselves away from Omis for a “not perfect” weather day and we were glad to check it out. It is Croatia’s second largest city and it definitely feels that way, so I can’t say we were upset to not be spending more than the day there. The main attraction in Split, which was unbelievable, is Diocletian’s Palace. Diocletian’s Palace is where Diocletian, the last pagan emperor of Rome and a big fan of feeding Christians to his lion friends, retired. If you think for a second what a Roman emperor’s retirement pad might look like, you’ll get the picture. It’s spectacular, beautifully preserved, and most amazingly the city still lives in and around it. Ironically, much to Diocletian’s bigoted ghost’s displeasure, it remained in great shape because the Christian church took it over. Definitely worth a visit.
(9/17-9/24) SLOVENIA...WITH A BRIEF FIRST STOp IN ZAGREB
Zagreb, Croatia
Who’s talking about Zagreb? More like, who isn’t talking about Zagreb! Ok, most people don’t actually say much about Zagreb. That said, when you’re trying to plan an itinerary through Eastern Europe or the Balkans specifically, you should in no way overlook it. We’re glad we didn’t (and we very nearly did).
Our first taste of Croatia, it’s a beautiful city made grand by some of the Austro-Hungarian magic that they spread around Central Europe for a couple hundred years prior to losing it all in WWI. It’s surprisingly cosmopolitan. You’ll immediately notice that there’s a seemingly unending selection of slick outdoor cafes and restaurants here, packed day-round with people that seemingly have no jobs, but no financial concerns either. Our limited wardrobes suddenly felt very exposed. As for seeing the city itself, it’s very easy to get around the older parts of the city where most of the sightseeing is to be had in a day, and there’s tons going on at night. I think we'd both happily return. Well worth your time if you have the chance. Don’t pass it by.
Our first taste of Croatia, it’s a beautiful city made grand by some of the Austro-Hungarian magic that they spread around Central Europe for a couple hundred years prior to losing it all in WWI. It’s surprisingly cosmopolitan. You’ll immediately notice that there’s a seemingly unending selection of slick outdoor cafes and restaurants here, packed day-round with people that seemingly have no jobs, but no financial concerns either. Our limited wardrobes suddenly felt very exposed. As for seeing the city itself, it’s very easy to get around the older parts of the city where most of the sightseeing is to be had in a day, and there’s tons going on at night. I think we'd both happily return. Well worth your time if you have the chance. Don’t pass it by.
Lake Bled, Slovenia
Yes the name sounds like something from a Bram Stoker tale, but Lake Bled is actually an Alpine fantasyland with a significantly cheaper price tag than its neighbors to the north and west. To start with, it’s stunningly gorgeous. The town of Bled itself is set around a deep blue-green, crystal clear lake with a castle looming hundreds of feet above it and an ancient monastery residing on its sole island. It’s seems fake. Incredibly, it’s not.
There’s terrific, if somewhat chilly, swimming. Beautiful hikes both around the lake and just a couple miles away. Additionally, we found that renting bikes to check out surrounding attractions like Vintgar Gorge and the Beekeeping Museum (this is not a joke and it’s a must see) was one of the most enjoyable outdoor activities we did anywhere. We loved it here, so much so that we extended our stay twice. Not to mention how delicious the food was. We ended up eating at the same restaurant three times because it was so unbelievably, unhealthily delicious. But I’ll let the pictures do the rest of the talking on that front. We sincerely hope to return to Lake Bled and can’t recommend it enough.
There’s terrific, if somewhat chilly, swimming. Beautiful hikes both around the lake and just a couple miles away. Additionally, we found that renting bikes to check out surrounding attractions like Vintgar Gorge and the Beekeeping Museum (this is not a joke and it’s a must see) was one of the most enjoyable outdoor activities we did anywhere. We loved it here, so much so that we extended our stay twice. Not to mention how delicious the food was. We ended up eating at the same restaurant three times because it was so unbelievably, unhealthily delicious. But I’ll let the pictures do the rest of the talking on that front. We sincerely hope to return to Lake Bled and can’t recommend it enough.
Ljubljana, SLovenia
Luh…jerrb…jane…ahh? Luh-jub-lee-jerb? La-jub-jub? However you say it, Ljubljana (actually pronounced “Lube-lee-ah-nah”) is a gorgeous small city. I say “small” because you can realistically see all the main spots in 4-5 hours if you’re planning to visit. We were there for two days and it was plenty. It’s really not a very big city, which is obviously part of the charm.
The main part of the city around the river looks like a fairy tale. You half expect some girl to toss her wildly long hair down to you, and then you start thinking about how gross that would be in actuality, and then you stop thinking about it all together. I digress. Anyhow, the main area around the bridges and the square (which of course have names that I’m too lazy to look up) is paved in marble and almost suspiciously pristine. Storybook buildings line the streets and there’s a massive castle rising above them on a hill. About the castle…this is really best admired from down below as we learned it was actually built in the '50s, and that fact becomes more and more apparent as you climb up the hill and get a closer look. (Pssst…don’t pay anything to get in. It’s a trap). All that said, it really is a lovely city well worth a visit if you have the opportunity.
The main part of the city around the river looks like a fairy tale. You half expect some girl to toss her wildly long hair down to you, and then you start thinking about how gross that would be in actuality, and then you stop thinking about it all together. I digress. Anyhow, the main area around the bridges and the square (which of course have names that I’m too lazy to look up) is paved in marble and almost suspiciously pristine. Storybook buildings line the streets and there’s a massive castle rising above them on a hill. About the castle…this is really best admired from down below as we learned it was actually built in the '50s, and that fact becomes more and more apparent as you climb up the hill and get a closer look. (Pssst…don’t pay anything to get in. It’s a trap). All that said, it really is a lovely city well worth a visit if you have the opportunity.
(9/06-9/17) Austro-Hungary: The Cool Sounding, No-Longer EmpIRe
Wien/Vienna
So for some reason, almost twenty years ago, I somehow got into my head, after what was likely a one-night visit, that I didn’t really care for Vienna (or Wien as the people who actually live there call it). I thought it was expensive (coming from Prague, anything would have been) and it just didn’t seem to have the energy I wanted (of Prague). Well, turns out, an almost-a-couple-decades-old notion that Vienna was expensive and boring, based on the superficial impressions of a likely drunk 22-year old, was shockingly inaccurate. Vienna, it turns out, is pretty cool. Really cool actually. The history and grandeur of the place oozes from every street in the old town, which was the former capital of the once-powerful, and always fun to say, Austro-Hungarian Empire. The original gangster, also known as Amadeus Mozart, lived here. Represent fools! Anyhow, the buildings are beautiful, the cathedrals and palaces majestic, and the people surprisingly charming. While I will give my 22-year old self a talking to soon, in the meantime I would have no problem at all recommending Vienna…or Wien…or Wienna…why can’t we just agree on one name for a city?
Budapest
Hell yes, Budapest!!! Sorry, should have probably gotten to what exactly I liked before I went with the multiple exclamations…but Budapest is awesome. It couldn’t wait. Why? I’m not entirely sure I know how to explain why, but I’m going to try. I think Budapest is exactly the city you want to experience when you think of Eastern Europe…gritty, inexpensive, fun, and with just a kiss of former communist vestiges. Budapest, in spite of being very much on the tourist trail, still feels undiscovered. Outside of specific sights, and there are many, just experiencing the city, and being within it, is beyond worth it. We loved their public markets where you could get anything from salami, to salami with paprika, to fresh peppers called paprika, to paprika powder, to delicious fast food made with paprika…to salami. We were also huge fans of their ‘ruin pubs,’ which we found throughout Pest (nothing cool happens in Buda). They were basically the coolest bars we’ve seen anywhere in the world—old, abandoned buildings where each room has been given a masterful reworking by local artists...with booze! I think it’s fair to say that we felt in Budapest the way we’ve often felt in New Orleans: if there were any way to get meaningful work there, we’d almost certainly move there. Go. Also, find us jobs while you're there.
Pecs
Hey bro, want to go the gym and wail on your Pecs? NOOO!!! It’s a town! Don’t wail on them bro!!! Actually, seriously, it’s a town. We had never heard of it, but it was there regardless. Basically, we loved Budapest so much, we realized that it might make sense to actually visit one more place in Hungary. Pecs is in the south, it happened to be sort-of on our way to where we were headed, and it was well worth a stop if you happen to out-and-about in southern Hungary…as you often might be. It’s gorgeous and definitely delivers the “old world” feel one might be seeking in Europe. All that said, we originally planned to stay for three full days, but quickly realized we had seen the entire town within four hours. We still had two days and twenty hours. Realizing that, we carved 24 hours off that planned stay, but still had a wonderful time. We went to the museum they have dedicated entirely to some painter that only Hungarians know about (pretty good by the by), saw the place where some famous porcelain was produced (that we had never heard of ), and went to an outdoor rock concert (that we couldn’t understand). Anyhow, you can do all or none of that in anywhere from four to thirty-six hours. You’ll love it!! I know we did!
(8/19-9/06) SRI LANKA: EXOTIC LAND OF EXOTIC-KY MIXED EMOTIONS
dambulla
So, our first choice of destination in Sri Lanka may not have been the “wisest” in retrospect, but that’s never stopped us. It was billed as being an ideal place to station one self to see a lot of other cool stuff…but only one of those cool things is actually there, and there isn’t anything else actually that close….at all.
Dambulla is famous for absolutely stunning Buddhist cave Temples that are well worth visiting. A grateful Buddhist king, having escaped enemies in pursuit by hiding in said caves, built the first of now five temples in caves at the top of a mountain to honor Buddha over two-thousand years ago. It’s super cool. Then…there’s…well…ummmm…hold on…pretty sure…no…we stayed two days more than we needed.
The cave temples, as previously mentioned, are incredible and like nothing else we’ve seen. We also hadn’t seen a dusty Sri Lankan backwater with scary dogs and nowhere to buy a beer or food for ourselves…but probably didn’t need to. So there’s that, too! Also, it’s strangely expensive to stay there. If you’re considering it, I would reconsider and stay somewhere you’ll be happy to hang out after sightseeing. When you find out where that is, please let us know for next time.
Dambulla is famous for absolutely stunning Buddhist cave Temples that are well worth visiting. A grateful Buddhist king, having escaped enemies in pursuit by hiding in said caves, built the first of now five temples in caves at the top of a mountain to honor Buddha over two-thousand years ago. It’s super cool. Then…there’s…well…ummmm…hold on…pretty sure…no…we stayed two days more than we needed.
The cave temples, as previously mentioned, are incredible and like nothing else we’ve seen. We also hadn’t seen a dusty Sri Lankan backwater with scary dogs and nowhere to buy a beer or food for ourselves…but probably didn’t need to. So there’s that, too! Also, it’s strangely expensive to stay there. If you’re considering it, I would reconsider and stay somewhere you’ll be happy to hang out after sightseeing. When you find out where that is, please let us know for next time.
BATTICALOA
So, just throwing this in here as a place we went for one night that happened to be a necessary layover as a transit stop on our way to the southeastern coast; not somewhere we’re recommending…or not recommending…or suggesting you recommend. It’s a working port city that was definitely a ‘no-go’ for tourists (and most anyone else) during the civil war on the east coast. We went there after taking a really cool train ride from fabulous Dambulla. It was only a one-night stay at a fairly cool resort with terrible beds what turned out to be a fantastic food. Sweet trade-off we were fine with. If that sounds like a multi-night vacay pitch to you, I will be happy to pass along the details. Otherwise, I would say it’s not somewhere you should be considering as a destination
ARUGAM BAY/Whiskey bay
Erika and I really loved our one surf lesson (emphasis on the singular) in Byron Bay Australia three months prior, so we decided to hunker down in a world-famous surf spot, Arugam Bay, and take our considerable skillz to the next level. Even better, we positioned ourselves at the more challenging break at Whisky Bay…because that’s how overconfident dummies that like cheaper hotel rates roll. Turns out, surfing is hard. Weirdsies. Also, turns out surfing in waves meant for expert surfers is EXTRA hard. Weirder weirdsies, right? Anyhow, we sucked and everyday was like self-imposed boot camp at a strange, super hot beach prison with no shade where everything looks kind-of like paradise, but if you try to go swimming instead of attempting surfing, you will almost certainly drown. The sea is always angry here friends. We did this for six days. We still cannot surf.
All that said, we did spend most of our time at the only place to stay in Whisky Bay (you can figure it out) and can’t speak entirely to Arugam Bay itself. That said, we did go into town to fail at surfing there too, but did succeed at having dinner. It’s got tons of very cool, and very loud, surf-oriented motel/restaurants playing either (surprisingly good) house music or the ubiquitous Bob Marley. It’s probably awesome if you can surf, but I would sincerely steer you away from this area entirely if you aren’t surfing. There are better locations to relax and enjoy the beach (and we went to one in particular).
All that said, we did spend most of our time at the only place to stay in Whisky Bay (you can figure it out) and can’t speak entirely to Arugam Bay itself. That said, we did go into town to fail at surfing there too, but did succeed at having dinner. It’s got tons of very cool, and very loud, surf-oriented motel/restaurants playing either (surprisingly good) house music or the ubiquitous Bob Marley. It’s probably awesome if you can surf, but I would sincerely steer you away from this area entirely if you aren’t surfing. There are better locations to relax and enjoy the beach (and we went to one in particular).
kataragama/YALA NATIONAL PARK
When you’ve (mostly) failed at surfing, your next best step is to find spiritual enlightenment and find yourself a nice safari…or at least I believe that’s the old adage. So, knowing that, we went to Kataragama. Actually, we only knew we were going there as a good place to do (have?) a safari in Yala National Game Reserve. The spiritual part, which was a huge surprise, was completely off our radar.
Kataragama the town, unknown to us, is one of the holiest towns in all of Sri Lanka for Hindus, Buddhists and Muslims alike. People of all three faiths come here to worship together, in huge pilgrimages, EVERY night of the week. And, although it’s every night, each night feels like a once-a-year occasion. You follow members of each faith around as they each join in ceremonies as centuries old temples to each other’s faiths. We didn’t witness the Islamic portion (we’ve since learned it begins and ends at a mosque), but the in-between was something from another world. Elephants, people speaking in tongues, people feeding us fruit, general awesomeness…it’s something everyone should see if they can.
Also, that safari part…
Our main reason for being in Kataragama was to head into Yala National Park for a guided, full-day safari. The big attraction is its population of leopards (and the guides will basically fly every which way around the park trying to make sure you see one), but there’s tons more that made this one of the more amazing days of our entire trip. While I have not been to anywhere in Africa where one can safari (that’s a verb right?) and don’t have much to compare it to, we were blown away by the sheer quantity of wildlife and the otherworldly landscape. Massive herds of wild water buffaloes, peacocks and peahens (yes…the cockless peas are hens), wild boar, deer, crocodiles and….wait for it…BABY elephants! Also, mature elephants to keep the baby elephants in line and extra cute. The entire day was awesome and made all the more awesome by the appearance of a leopard at the 11th hour. Couldn’t recommend this enough.
Kataragama the town, unknown to us, is one of the holiest towns in all of Sri Lanka for Hindus, Buddhists and Muslims alike. People of all three faiths come here to worship together, in huge pilgrimages, EVERY night of the week. And, although it’s every night, each night feels like a once-a-year occasion. You follow members of each faith around as they each join in ceremonies as centuries old temples to each other’s faiths. We didn’t witness the Islamic portion (we’ve since learned it begins and ends at a mosque), but the in-between was something from another world. Elephants, people speaking in tongues, people feeding us fruit, general awesomeness…it’s something everyone should see if they can.
Also, that safari part…
Our main reason for being in Kataragama was to head into Yala National Park for a guided, full-day safari. The big attraction is its population of leopards (and the guides will basically fly every which way around the park trying to make sure you see one), but there’s tons more that made this one of the more amazing days of our entire trip. While I have not been to anywhere in Africa where one can safari (that’s a verb right?) and don’t have much to compare it to, we were blown away by the sheer quantity of wildlife and the otherworldly landscape. Massive herds of wild water buffaloes, peacocks and peahens (yes…the cockless peas are hens), wild boar, deer, crocodiles and….wait for it…BABY elephants! Also, mature elephants to keep the baby elephants in line and extra cute. The entire day was awesome and made all the more awesome by the appearance of a leopard at the 11th hour. Couldn’t recommend this enough.
MIRISSA
So, why didn’t we just spend all our time in Mirissa, exactly? That’s pretty much what we were wondering as soon as we had time to check out the beach and the scene in general. It’s gorgeous, has cheap-yet-upscale lodging, awesome restaurants and bars…and you can swim without instantaneously drowning. If you are considering going to Sri Lanka and the beaches are the draw, I would concentrate here compared to what else we saw. There are supposed to be some gorgeous beaches in the northeast and northwest of the island, but this seemed to have it all. And we were there in what was technically the off-season. Apparently you can also head out to see blue whales when the sea is cooperating. They claimed we could actually go while we were there, but seeing the sea out beyond the reef pretty much confirmed that we would be paying someone so that we could potentially throw up on the earth’s largest living creature…which does have its appeal I suppose…but I digress.
GALLE
After being in the beach paradise of Mirissa, we went to the oldest colonial city in Sri Lanka, Galle. Getting there confirmed a few things: 1) Galle is very pretty and is in fact quite old; 2) Galle’s walled in streets do an excellent job of amplifying the insidious Sri Lankan heat to a fine bake/broil setting; and 3) we missed the beach. All that said, it’s nice for a visit, but you can really see the entirety of the old city within a few hours. It could probably be done as a day trip from Mirissa and we were there for two nights. We actually took a tuk-tuk out to the closest beach, Unawatuna, because we were in withdrawal and it was hotter than Beelzebub’s boxers. Can’t say we would recommend Unawatuna unless you are dying to hang out with drunk Russian dudes in tiny banana hammocks, but it fit the bill for the day. Again, a day will do if you are going to visit Galle in our opinions.
NEGOMBO
We had an early-ish flight out of Sri Lanka on the day we departed, so rather than risk missing it by trying to get all the way up to Columbo on the morning of, we went to Negombo. It’s a beach resort town that’s popular mainly because it’s very close to the airport. As far as we could tell, that’s really the only reason. The beach itself was actually pretty awful and the town has almost nothing distinctly Sri Lankan about it. We learned that most people end up staying here because they arrived late or have to depart early like we did. I certainly wouldn’t try to spend any more time than absolutely necessary there. And definitely avoid Colombo. We saw enough from the train in to feel very confident saying that. It was fairly terrifying.
(8/17 - 8/19) BANGKOK: THE GRIFTIEST GRIFTER IN GRIFT TOWN
Let me start this by saying we were only in Bangkok for two days as part of a necessary layover between Cambodia and Sri Lanka. Let me also say that if you read that disclaimer as the equivalent of someone saying “No offense” before saying something totally offensive like “you’re looking kind of fat,” you are correct. We, for the most part, loathed our experience in Bangkok. Bangkok looks fat.
(Again, we were here for two days and did almost no research before landing. A good deal of this is on us for not reading that we were entering a gauntlet of shameless grifts and annoyances. And, beyond that somewhat insincere additional disclaimer, that doesn’t absolve Bangkok).
We were looking forward to being spontaneous in a city known (or reputed to be known) for its nightlife. What followed was a continuous series of attempted rip-offs that really made Bangkok feel like a place I would never recommend to anyone.
Our spontaneity first led us to an innocuous looking sports bar on the outskirts of one of the reputed red light districts where we barely got our two drinks before our waitress told Erika that she should buy her a drink too, to which Erika clearly and definitively said “I’m not buying you a drink.” She went ahead and bought herself a drink anyway, for which she tried to charge us about four times as much as ours cost. This led to an extremely awkward and confrontational argument with her and her manager about whether we agreed to this. We left, actually paying exactly what we owed. It sucked though.
Deciding to get away from that neighborhood and see some more of the city, we found a tuk-tuk and negotiated what was basically a two-dollar ride to a night market we had heard was good for souvenirs. We now know you basically DO NOT take tuk-tuks in Bangkok, but at the time we were blissfully ignorant. Anyway, it quickly became clear that this dude agreed to a very low rate because he was convinced he could get us to eat at a very expensive seafood place in the middle of nowhere that he clearly had a deal with. We flatly refused and demanded that he take us where we agreed. His beaming smile turned into an almost hysterically malevolent frown as he drove at a terrifying warp speed through traffic. He left us off at what he said was the “night market” which was actually a street of lady boy bars. That was actually kind of funny as these things go. Tip of the cap there. Still, we paid two bucks.
I’ll stop itemizing our bad experiences and just say that it felt like almost everyone was looking to rip us off at every turn (there were plenty of additional attempts). Nowhere else we visited before, or since gave us this incredibly lousy feeling.
All this said, we absolutely loved the street food here, especially because the street food vendors never once tried to pull anything. It was AWESOME. Additionally, it has to be said that the Buddhist temples we visited, particularly Wat Pho and the reclining Buddha, were among the most spectacular and memorable we saw anywhere.
I am sure there are even more amazing things to see and do in Bangkok, but we’re not the people to ask about them (nor advocate them). We came to the party, but Bangkok was drunk and was a total dick to us. We’re holding this grudge.
P.S. One additional word of warning for you beer drinkers out there. The cheapest beer you will see around, and will think nothing of ordering, is called Chang. Erika and I enjoyed a few one evening and she woke up feeling like she had consumed turpentine. Turns out this is a common, unpopular side-effect referred to as a "Chang Over". Even the beer is pulling a fast one. The rumor is that it contains formaldehyde, but I doubt that. That said, it does contain 48% pure liquid hangover, so I would steer clear. For some reason, I felt fine, but that means nothing. You have been warned.
(Again, we were here for two days and did almost no research before landing. A good deal of this is on us for not reading that we were entering a gauntlet of shameless grifts and annoyances. And, beyond that somewhat insincere additional disclaimer, that doesn’t absolve Bangkok).
We were looking forward to being spontaneous in a city known (or reputed to be known) for its nightlife. What followed was a continuous series of attempted rip-offs that really made Bangkok feel like a place I would never recommend to anyone.
Our spontaneity first led us to an innocuous looking sports bar on the outskirts of one of the reputed red light districts where we barely got our two drinks before our waitress told Erika that she should buy her a drink too, to which Erika clearly and definitively said “I’m not buying you a drink.” She went ahead and bought herself a drink anyway, for which she tried to charge us about four times as much as ours cost. This led to an extremely awkward and confrontational argument with her and her manager about whether we agreed to this. We left, actually paying exactly what we owed. It sucked though.
Deciding to get away from that neighborhood and see some more of the city, we found a tuk-tuk and negotiated what was basically a two-dollar ride to a night market we had heard was good for souvenirs. We now know you basically DO NOT take tuk-tuks in Bangkok, but at the time we were blissfully ignorant. Anyway, it quickly became clear that this dude agreed to a very low rate because he was convinced he could get us to eat at a very expensive seafood place in the middle of nowhere that he clearly had a deal with. We flatly refused and demanded that he take us where we agreed. His beaming smile turned into an almost hysterically malevolent frown as he drove at a terrifying warp speed through traffic. He left us off at what he said was the “night market” which was actually a street of lady boy bars. That was actually kind of funny as these things go. Tip of the cap there. Still, we paid two bucks.
I’ll stop itemizing our bad experiences and just say that it felt like almost everyone was looking to rip us off at every turn (there were plenty of additional attempts). Nowhere else we visited before, or since gave us this incredibly lousy feeling.
All this said, we absolutely loved the street food here, especially because the street food vendors never once tried to pull anything. It was AWESOME. Additionally, it has to be said that the Buddhist temples we visited, particularly Wat Pho and the reclining Buddha, were among the most spectacular and memorable we saw anywhere.
I am sure there are even more amazing things to see and do in Bangkok, but we’re not the people to ask about them (nor advocate them). We came to the party, but Bangkok was drunk and was a total dick to us. We’re holding this grudge.
P.S. One additional word of warning for you beer drinkers out there. The cheapest beer you will see around, and will think nothing of ordering, is called Chang. Erika and I enjoyed a few one evening and she woke up feeling like she had consumed turpentine. Turns out this is a common, unpopular side-effect referred to as a "Chang Over". Even the beer is pulling a fast one. The rumor is that it contains formaldehyde, but I doubt that. That said, it does contain 48% pure liquid hangover, so I would steer clear. For some reason, I felt fine, but that means nothing. You have been warned.
(8/13 - 8/17) CAMBODIA: SIEM REAP & ANGKOR WHAAAA???
SIEM REAP
You may just have heard of Siem Reap as the place you go to see Angkor Wat, or not heard of Siem Reap at all…or have heard of it, know plenty about it and think me a patronizing twit…but it has more than enough going on without the temples to make a destination well worth visiting regardless. First and foremost, it’s fantastic simply for the fact that it populated by Cambodians. Cambodians are amazing. Even the hawkers trying to sell you crappy magnets and t-shirts make you love them (I bought the magnets…the kid just kept saying “why no?” in a super cute voice…c’mon!).
While obviously a town built for tourists, it still feels somewhat undiscovered, wonderfully lawless and wildly different from the other parts of Southeast Asia we’d been. Everything is walk-able or easily accessible by a one or two-dollar tuk-tuk ride (basically mopeds converted to have four seats behind the driver…they are awesome). The food, if you go looking for the more local offerings, is delicious, tasted completely new to us and it’s CHEAP. Like “$2 for an entrée” cheap. There’s plenty of bars, souvenir shopping and places offering to have a tank of fish clean your feet while you enjoy a beer (all true). It has a Wild West appeal that no other place we visited had for me, and it’s well worth seeking out. Also, did I mention how cheap it was? Like, really f’ing cheap. Should be part of any Southeast Asia itinerary in my opinion. Why no??
While obviously a town built for tourists, it still feels somewhat undiscovered, wonderfully lawless and wildly different from the other parts of Southeast Asia we’d been. Everything is walk-able or easily accessible by a one or two-dollar tuk-tuk ride (basically mopeds converted to have four seats behind the driver…they are awesome). The food, if you go looking for the more local offerings, is delicious, tasted completely new to us and it’s CHEAP. Like “$2 for an entrée” cheap. There’s plenty of bars, souvenir shopping and places offering to have a tank of fish clean your feet while you enjoy a beer (all true). It has a Wild West appeal that no other place we visited had for me, and it’s well worth seeking out. Also, did I mention how cheap it was? Like, really f’ing cheap. Should be part of any Southeast Asia itinerary in my opinion. Why no??
ANGKOR WAT AND THE TEMPLES
Clearly the main reason to come to Siem Reap is to see Angkor Wat. This was one of those things I had told myself I needed to do in life, and it far surpassed any of my expectations. It literally gives you goosebumps, especially at sunrise, and is unlike anything I’ve seen (even Six Flags, Great Adventure). Life altering is the only way to put it (much like Six Flags, Great Adventure in that sense).
On top of that, did you know there were a ton of almost equally impressive temple ruins all around the area??? I should have, maybe did at one point, but really kind-of didn’t…and it made it all the more spellbinding. I won’t run through all of them by name, but the entire area is strewn with Indiana Jones-esque temples, some still active, that will accurately make you feel that you’re as far from home as anywhere you’ve ever been. Some of the most impressive were those that had not been fully restored, but rather allowed to remain somewhat in the state they had been found. Trees growing from the roofs, vines hanging from entrances, rubble, darts shooting at you from the walls (I may have embellished here). You get the drift.
Anyhow, I can’t put it up against the pyramids in Egypt as I’ve never been, but compared to where I have been previously, this was the most impressive (yes, even more so than Six Flags, Great Adventure). I can’t claim to be a religious person, but it would difficult for anyone to visit these sites and not at least say they felt something spiritual (cue me hanging a dreamcatcher, lighting incense, smacking self). But seriously, if you have ever thought about going, this should move much higher on your list. It really will not disappoint and it’s something that will stick with you long after you visit (like a KFC Doubledown, but way less salt and not at all disgusting...analogies are not a personal strong point). Anyhow, go if you can. You won’t regret it. We only regret not staying longer.
On top of that, did you know there were a ton of almost equally impressive temple ruins all around the area??? I should have, maybe did at one point, but really kind-of didn’t…and it made it all the more spellbinding. I won’t run through all of them by name, but the entire area is strewn with Indiana Jones-esque temples, some still active, that will accurately make you feel that you’re as far from home as anywhere you’ve ever been. Some of the most impressive were those that had not been fully restored, but rather allowed to remain somewhat in the state they had been found. Trees growing from the roofs, vines hanging from entrances, rubble, darts shooting at you from the walls (I may have embellished here). You get the drift.
Anyhow, I can’t put it up against the pyramids in Egypt as I’ve never been, but compared to where I have been previously, this was the most impressive (yes, even more so than Six Flags, Great Adventure). I can’t claim to be a religious person, but it would difficult for anyone to visit these sites and not at least say they felt something spiritual (cue me hanging a dreamcatcher, lighting incense, smacking self). But seriously, if you have ever thought about going, this should move much higher on your list. It really will not disappoint and it’s something that will stick with you long after you visit (like a KFC Doubledown, but way less salt and not at all disgusting...analogies are not a personal strong point). Anyhow, go if you can. You won’t regret it. We only regret not staying longer.
(7/26 - 8/13) VIETNAM: Why did we leave again?
hANOi
While Hanoi might elicit images of Jane Fonda laughing it up with the NVA after a session of commie aerobics (that might just have been me), it turns out the capital city of our former foe is one of the coolest places we were privileged to visit in our tour of Southeast Asia. It’s awesome; it’s lively; it has 23-cent beers. You read that right. 23 cents. Anyhow, Hanoi may not have the notoriety of Saigon in the US, but I really felt it beat it in most regards as a visitor and tourist. Again, my opinion. The Old Quarter is literally packed with street food stalls and ‘Bia Hoi’ establishments (fresh beer) where you can get some of the best eats and cheapest drinks you’ll get anywhere on the planet I reckon. Beyond that, experiences like Ho Chi Minh’s Mausoleum and water puppet performances (you read that right...puppets...on the water...I went) make it a 'can't miss' on any trip to Vietnam as far as I'm concerned. Ho has my back on that.
HALONG BAY
If you’re coming to Vietnam, and especially Hanoi, you simply can NOT miss Halong Bay…says every guidebook and Trip Advisor posting. In our experience, that’s an exaggeration. It’s undeniably gorgeous. Will you die of regret if you don’t see it? Probably not. Basically it's like those incredible Asian ink drawings where the mountains look fake, rising straight out of the ocean. Turns out they aren’t fake. Anyhow…we took part in a 2 day/1 night cruise of the bay that was very enjoyable, but also overly scheduled. It felt like a cruise ship in some of the ways that make people, including ourselves, steer clear of cruise ships. You really just want to take in the surrounding beauty, but you’re required to attend a spring roll-making class (that happened). Anyhow, I am sure there are tours you can take that are less so, and the bay is certainly worth the visit if you have the time. Just don’t think you blew it if you don’t make it here.
HUE
We spent one full day and night in Hue, so anything I say is pretty much unfair. But, I’m saying it anyway. Hue is not usually part of the tourist circuit for good reason. The old Imperial Palace and citadel, largely destroyed by the French, NVA, US and then NVA again, are still well worth a visit if you happen to be passing through…but I can’t say either of us would recommend making the city itself part of an itinerary. Beyond what I mentioned, and some outlying imperial tombs, it’s got very little going as a tourist would be concerned. Again, one day and one night for us only, so hardly experts. Probably irresponsible to write anything…but couldn’t help myself.
HOI AN
More like Hoi-AHHHHHHHHHH-n. Sorry…really sorry. That was terrible. Anyhow, Hoi An may have been my (or our) favorite single destination of the trip thus far. It’s hard to explain why, but it basically makes the craziness of Vietnam more manageable, while simultaneously delivering that with a beach. The town itself, hundreds of years old, has been mercifully preserved and the verdant expanses of rice paddies all around seem almost like overkill. It’s got everything in spades, and it’s still really, REALLY, cheap. You will wonder why you would ever leave while you are there, and then you’ll really wonder why you left once you did. Almost to a person, Hoi An seems to be their favorite place in Vietnam and you can add the two of us to that list. One place I am sure we will do everything to return to. Also, the have the best Banh Mi I have ever, and possibly will ever, eat in my life. I miss it.
SAIGon/HO CHI MINH CITY
Saigon, or The ‘Artist Ho Chi Minh City Formerly Known As Saigon’ (everyone calls it Saigon), is a bit of an unwelcome smack back to reality after eating lotuses in Hoi An. It’s a huge, loud Asian city with extra mopeds. There are fascinating vestiges of the war, the Reunification Palace and War Relics Museum being especially interesting (and depressing), but not a ton of sights in the traditional sense. Overall, to us, Saigon didn’t seem to exhibit what was awesome about Vietnam (and Vietnam is REALLY awesome). It’s a big city that is not particularly easy to get around, much less enjoy. I am not saying it’s not worth taking a couple days to explore (and there’s a ton we didn’t see), but as a visitor I think it’s the destinations north and around that are going to make you fall in love with this country. Again, we were just doing the typical tourist circuit and we realized quickly there were some serious gems once one got away from that.
(7/24 - 7/26) HONG KONG: WE MISS YOUR DIM-SUM'Y MUSK
This shouldn’t really be part of the China section even if China probably thinks it should. So it's not. Sorry China..but not at all. Hong Kong is still distinctly, and I would say proudly, not China. It’s clean, it’s orderly and it’s just plain more civilized. I hate to use that word and sound like a pompous ass (which I do), but it’s hard not to say. Sometimes you have to call a spade a spade. People wait at crosswalks, understand lines, don’t push you when you happen to stop for half-a-second, and they actually seem to respect your presence. They even help strangers. I’ll stop. Outside of comparisons, Hong Kong is independently an unbelievably vibrant city with an impossible to beat skyline and food that beats even that. The dim sum alone is worth a visit...and then three more. I would love to go back. Like every time I’m hungry.
(7/14 - 7/24) CHINA: A FLAMING HOT WOK OF Challenges
OVERALL...CHINA DON'T GIVE A SHIT
Just know that coming here. China has China’s business to attend to, and you’re in the way. Feel free to throw yourself amidst the masses for an experience as foreign and different as any you’ll encounter, but know that that there isn’t actually a place for you. This is not a country built for tourists. It’s in-your-face dirty, crossing the street requires willful disregard for your own well-being, and the people can often be overtly grumpy, physically pushy and downright rude (even with each other)—but that’s how life works with a billion-and-half people apparently. There isn’t time, or room, for niceties. If you’re prepared for that, you’ll be in better shape. Unfortunately, we can’t really say we were—China, mostly, kicked our asses.
All that said, it’s one of the oldest, if not the oldest continuing civilization on earth. It has one of the richest offerings of historic and cultural experiences to be had anywhere on the planet, and it’s well worth it for that alone. And then there’s the food. The food is amazing. Still…they don’t give a shit.
All that said, it’s one of the oldest, if not the oldest continuing civilization on earth. It has one of the richest offerings of historic and cultural experiences to be had anywhere on the planet, and it’s well worth it for that alone. And then there’s the food. The food is amazing. Still…they don’t give a shit.
SHANGHAI
If we’re being honest, we basically were obsessed with coming to Shanghai solely to eat soup dumplings (xiao long bao), where they were invented. On this front, Shanghai did not disappoint in the least. They are ridiculously good. But, upon realizing that we had to fill the time between soup dumplings, we found Shanghai a bit hard to digest (double-entendre alert!). There are three New York’s worth of people, almost exactly, in Shanghai proper. It may have had something to do with being our first stop in China and not speaking a word of Mandarin, but it felt completely overwhelming. After you’ve seen the Bund (the old, colonial riverfront section) and the new skyline (directly across from the Bund), it’s not really a place for sightseeing. It’s a big, big, big-ass city with a lot of interesting/challenging smells and refuse. The sights we did seek out generally had so many people it was impossible to really enjoy them. Also, the nerves required to keep on the alert for cars and mopeds turning left on red without so much as braking, took a lot of out of us on the way to those places. To be fair, this is basically an unfair assessment of a couple of people completely out of their element who spent 48+ hours in a place you could likely never get to know in a lifetime. That said, can’ t say we were huge fans.
BEIJING
When you’re looking for that small town feel after being in Shanghai, a city of 24 million people, head to lil’ Beijing…a city of 19 million people. Country living, it turned out, was more enjoyable for the two of us, but still emotionally taxing with a dash of extreme heat exhaustion. Beijing is your best spot for trips out to the Great Wall, so you have to come here. It also has the Forbidden City, which is now only Forbidden to those who won’t pay the ten-bucks to get in. It’s well worth it. Again, we were in Beijing for such a brief period of time relative to its size and offerings, any assessments we give barely even qualify as first-impressions.
Shanghai did not have a monopoly on dirty streets , but Beijing’s lively Hutongs just seemed to have a lot more character. The food was also entirely different, delicious, and it felt like more of what I think we anticipated from China. One big note, and we learned this the hard way, is that Beijing is not a walking city. We decided to “stroll over” to a “nearby” park and basically made it halfway past a colossal, Mao-era mega-building an hour later before realizing we had made a huge mistake, with no discernable progress. It was also like sitting in a pizza oven. This city, like most in China, is absolutely massive. Use the (surprisingly easy-to-navigate) subway, or pantomime your desired location to a cab. Don’t walk. Ever.
Shanghai did not have a monopoly on dirty streets , but Beijing’s lively Hutongs just seemed to have a lot more character. The food was also entirely different, delicious, and it felt like more of what I think we anticipated from China. One big note, and we learned this the hard way, is that Beijing is not a walking city. We decided to “stroll over” to a “nearby” park and basically made it halfway past a colossal, Mao-era mega-building an hour later before realizing we had made a huge mistake, with no discernable progress. It was also like sitting in a pizza oven. This city, like most in China, is absolutely massive. Use the (surprisingly easy-to-navigate) subway, or pantomime your desired location to a cab. Don’t walk. Ever.
Xi'An
(Pronounced She-Ahn…we learned two days into staying here)
When you’re wanting to get away from the hustle-and-bustle of Beijing’s multitudes and its relentless July heat, head to the sleepy hamlet of Xi’an with its sparse 6.5 million people, along with mild 112-degree days. We only got two of the 112-degree days in our three there, but you can’t ask for the world. So…why come here? Firstly, it’s where you stay to see the Terracotta Army, a relatively recently unearthed clay army of thousands of individual soldiers, buried along with the Emperor Qin over two-thousand years ago to guard him in the afterlife. It’s as badass as it sounds (but best enjoyed in sub 112 degree temperatures I’m thinking). Definitely worth the visit alone. Outside of that, it turns out Xi’an has some of the most interesting and worthwhile sights in China. The inner-city itself is surrounded by it’s original, 7.6 mile-long fortified wall. You can actually walk or bike the entire thing (which we did not…we’re not idiots...sometimes). The food again, is completely distinct to the region and universally delicious (also got me slightly sick). May have been my personal favorite spot in China, even beyond the typical points of interest.
When you’re wanting to get away from the hustle-and-bustle of Beijing’s multitudes and its relentless July heat, head to the sleepy hamlet of Xi’an with its sparse 6.5 million people, along with mild 112-degree days. We only got two of the 112-degree days in our three there, but you can’t ask for the world. So…why come here? Firstly, it’s where you stay to see the Terracotta Army, a relatively recently unearthed clay army of thousands of individual soldiers, buried along with the Emperor Qin over two-thousand years ago to guard him in the afterlife. It’s as badass as it sounds (but best enjoyed in sub 112 degree temperatures I’m thinking). Definitely worth the visit alone. Outside of that, it turns out Xi’an has some of the most interesting and worthwhile sights in China. The inner-city itself is surrounded by it’s original, 7.6 mile-long fortified wall. You can actually walk or bike the entire thing (which we did not…we’re not idiots...sometimes). The food again, is completely distinct to the region and universally delicious (also got me slightly sick). May have been my personal favorite spot in China, even beyond the typical points of interest.
(6/26 - 7/14/14) JAPAN: KONICHIWA, AWESOME!
OSAKA
For some reason our travel book, and many other travel sites, skirt over Osaka as a place you pass through to get to Kyoto or other parts of Japan. Full shenanigans. Osaka is one-of-a-kind. It’s just fun. It has that electric level of insanity you’re hoping to experience when you go to Japan, plus unbelievably friendly people to help you tap into it. It might not have the iconic neighborhoods of Tokyo or the temples of Kyoto, but it has an outsized personality that doesn’t exist anywhere else we visited in Japan. We loved it. Also…Best. Okonomiaki. Ever.
KYOTO
All that beautiful stuff you love about Japan? It’s in Kyoto. Not to say it isn’t elsewhere, but it’s been distilled into Zen Everclear here. You can’t go three blocks from your last beer vending machine without running smack dab into a shrine, temple, castle or garden. It’s still a huge city (which we learned is almost always the case in Japan), but it’s astounding how easy it is to escape that. One minute it’s hot chaos, the next you’re walking through thousands of orange Shinto arches to the top of a mountain (still hot, but way better). There’s a reason everyone tells you need to come here if you’re Japan…because you do.
Kanazawa
Kana-a-wha-wha?? Exactly! We decided to throw ourselves, the travel guides and even most Japanese people a curveball and head for Kanazawa on Japan’s west-ish coast. Basically, we heard it had ridiculous sushi and was relatively close to the Sea of Japan (which we actually couldn’t see). Ringing endorsement, you say? I have not yet begun to ring! Kanazawa was Za-wesome (sorry). Turned out it was worth it for the sushi alone (Erika and I had two meals that we are not sure anything else in Japan actually beat), and they tossed in great bars, izakayas and the stunningly beautiful Kenroku-en garden to boot.
nagano
Wasn’t that where the winter Olympics were in…some year…earlier? Yes! And wasn’t it July when we visited? You know it! Turned out a train went to Nagano fairly easily from Kanazawa, so our natural inclinations towards paths of least resistance led us here. It was actually pretty cool. In some ways, people seemed even less prepared here for tourists than Kanazawa (maybe they thought we missed a flight in 1998), but we still found some great food at an izakaya we called Chicken Magic (because we couldn’t read and they used Japanese voodoo to make their chicken so delicious) and had the unintentional privilege of witnessing a festival of some sort at the gorgeous Buddist temple in town.
nikko/kinugawa-onsen
The first place mentioned above is a famous spot about an hour-and-a-half from Tokyo with some of Japan’s most famous temples. The second spot is where I mistakenly booked our hotel thanks to some dubious geographical filters on Booking.com.
First, Nikko has all the temples you are told it has and is famous for a reason. Having now seen the town (I thought we were staying in), we both feel confident there’s really not much going on there and it’s likely best done as a day-trip from Tokyo.
Secondly, speaking of ‘not much going on,’ Kinugawa-onsen! While we never actually intended to stay here, Kinugawa-onsen is a fading town surrounded by beautiful mountains and failed resorts. You concentrate on the mountains. While we considered this a setback at first, we eventually learned to accept our Shining-esque accommodations, the bizarre town-wide playing of Edelweiss at 8am every morning, and our proximity to a beautiful hike. Also, the 7-11 (I only partially kid on 7-11). Though I don't think we'd recommend it as a destination, we did end up enjoying it quite a bit.
First, Nikko has all the temples you are told it has and is famous for a reason. Having now seen the town (I thought we were staying in), we both feel confident there’s really not much going on there and it’s likely best done as a day-trip from Tokyo.
Secondly, speaking of ‘not much going on,’ Kinugawa-onsen! While we never actually intended to stay here, Kinugawa-onsen is a fading town surrounded by beautiful mountains and failed resorts. You concentrate on the mountains. While we considered this a setback at first, we eventually learned to accept our Shining-esque accommodations, the bizarre town-wide playing of Edelweiss at 8am every morning, and our proximity to a beautiful hike. Also, the 7-11 (I only partially kid on 7-11). Though I don't think we'd recommend it as a destination, we did end up enjoying it quite a bit.
yokohama
Don’t have much we are able to say about Yokohama the city itself because we were too busy being pampered by Erika’s amazing friend Mioko and her husband James. It was a fantastic interlude to not only be able to have conversations with more than just one other person, but also we were fed like we were on death row…like, three times. We killed that many people! I kid! We didn’t. Murder’s bad. Don’t do it. Anyhow, we can’t thank Mioko and James enough, but we also can’t recommend you staying with them as they likely don’t know who you are. Back off.
TOKyo
New York at its most manic only slightly prepared us for this. Tokyo is massive, constantly moving and almost impossible to wrap your head around in a short period of time (we had four days). We did a lot of what you’re told you need to do, like the Tsukiji fish market (that you really do need to do), but we also found just throwing yourself into some of the crazier neighborhoods like Akihabara, Shinjuku and Shibuya to just seeing where you ended up, was the most enjoyable way to experience it (with a lot of help from google maps and Japanese people that felt bad for us). Also, Robot Restaurant. It’s a tourist trap that you should willingly, and happily, get yourself trapped within. It’s incredible. Go.
(6/9 - 6/26/14) AUStralia: it's f'ing huge
Enter The Radigan
Matt Radigan—one of our very best friends, wedding minister and adult child—flew to meet us in Australia. This was an unbelievable bonus for us and Australia’s wine makers. Our first couple weeks here were all the more awesome because he was there (even if he had no idea what we were actually doing each day).
Sydney
Wow. Sydney. Wow. We’re sorry. Erika might not admit it aloud, but she (and I) doubted you (terribly). Expensive, generic, androgynously named… anyhow, you are amazing and we are sorry we were dicks. We love your Thai food, vibrancy and incredible displays of the unexpected…like the animated white shark swimming on the opera house after it had gone through several iterations of a Barbarella-esque, ‘bad acid trip,’ abstract dissolves…just ‘cause! Anyhow, one of the world’s great cities no doubt, and glad we had the chance to visit. Also, it’s unfair you just have those beaches so close to a city of that size.
Blue Mountains/Katoomba
Blue? Kinda-ish. Mountains? In a way-ish? Alright, fine. These are not usual mountains, but they are well worth the trip out of Sydney. Kind of like if the Grand Canyon and a rainforest had a wild night out and let loose of their sensibilities. With Matt Radigan completely confused as to what we were actually doing, we managed to fit in a 3-hour hike to some gorgeous waterfalls and ‘say whaaaat’ vistas. Really gorgeous. Also had a fun night out in Katoomba with some locals where we learned some useful regional profanity and the proper way to wear prosthetic devil horns.
Port Stephens/Nelson Bay
Realizing we had stumbled onto something bananas and that Matt Radigan wouldn’t know the difference, we almost immediately decided to stay in this area for an extra day. We lucked out sharing a cabin with Matt at the bad-assed-ly named Samurai Beach Bungalows hostel (no actual Samurais were harmed in its construction, so back off hippies). Beautiful spot away from it all that included a night where the off-kilter owner introduced us to a local python he had snatched from it’s tree. We went on a fairly epic whale-watching tour where we not only saw whales, but seals, dolphins and a single (extremely lost) penguin. Superfecta of the nature circuit! Then, just to make it a full Mountain Dew Ad of a day, we went to their otherworldly, endless sand dunes and went “sand boarding.” It was…EXTREME!!! (Sorry, too much Dew, bro). Couldn’t have asked for a better day.
The Forever drive
Realizing that we had less time than we realized we had not realized we did not have, and knowing Matt still had no idea where we were, we decided to do a very long drive from Port Stephens to Byron Bay. The highlight of the day (and 8 plus hours in the car) was the brief stop at a koala hospital. The low point was a spot called Coff’s Harbor where Lonely Planet directed three grumpy, hungry people to a non-existent Thai place and the entire populace was incapable of giving directions to any alternative. We shall never speak of Coff’s Harbor again.
Byron Bay
The huge reward for our hell-drive was Byron Bay. Byron Bay is just ridiculously beautiful. It’s a collection of some of the nicest beaches we’ve ever seen. We had a challenging first day insomuch as Erika and I were told our surf lessons wouldn’t be happening because of the tides (which seem somewhat foreseeable). This news was delivered to us by the hostel hostess, who Matt deemed “Olivia Doomsday.” Through three independent experiences, Matt, Erika and I realized she loved nothing more in life than delivering bad news. Anyhow, we opted for a kayak outing in the bay (suggested by Ms. Doomsday). There isn’t enough internet for me to give the full story, but it was awful. Key bits: being basically forced to look excited for their propaganda photos; phantom sightings of non-existent sea-life by the guides (“ahhh…you just missed it); and an out-of-shape American couple having to be towed back to shore by a 100lb Aussie guide-girl (crushing stereotypes left and right!). That all said, we brushed that off and had our first surf lesson the next day. We’re hooked. It was unbelievably awesome. Definitely want to return to Byron Bay and can’t recommend it enough to anyone visiting Australia.
Brisbane
My former coworker and still-current, awesome friend A.C. gave us a fantastically generous welcome to Brisbane by putting us all up in her parent’s apartment in the heart of Brisbane. After making sure to put Styrofoam on all the sharp corners and giving us GPS bracelets, we had a walk around town. The weather was hit or miss, but pretty sure that happens in a couple other cities. Overall, Brisbane has a great energy, cool vibe, and obviously a lot going on. The Radigan nicknamed it "Brizzy" and quickly declared his love for the city. Unfortunately, we didn’t have enough time to do it justice, but it was a great visit thanks to A.C.. Did I mention we're grateful to A.C.?? Yay, A.C.!!
Exit The Radigan
We’re still not sure how he’ll fare out in the world on his own, but sometimes you need to let your late-30s child open their wings and see if they can make it clear of the nest. We parted with Matt in Brisbane, and while we heard there were some hiccups with him asking people similarly dressed as us for wine, we know he’ll do great. In all seriousness, was sad to break up the band but there are rumors we may see him at the other end of the trip.
Great barrier reef/Cairns
Fulfilling a childhood (and adulthood) dream of us both, Erika and I set out on our first-ever liveaboard dive boat to experience the greatest of reef barriers. While at first it had some disappointments—Erika was battling a cold that it made it difficult to descend and the first couple dives from the boat out were slightly depressing in terms of the state of the reef—the rest of our experience was beyond anything we had been told to expect by the fish we had spoken to at other reefs. There were 4 dives the first day, 5 the next, and then 3 more the last day (1 of which we bowed out of because our ears staged a sit-in). The dives blended together somewhat, but we were privileged to see turtles, rays, beautiful reef fish, sharks and a reef that, while in visible trouble in places, is aptly named. Takes your breath away. As for Cairns, actually a fine place to chill out when you’re convinced irrationally that you have the bends while also trying to learn emergency Japanese. We’ve enjoyed it.
(5/30 - 6/9/14) NEW ZEALAnD: SOUTH ISLAND & NAUSEATINGLY GORGEOUS VISTAS
Erika and I made our way to the South Island and immediately realized that three weeks in New Zealand is not nearly enough time. Considering the winter weather, timing and geography, we concentrated on the upper third of the South Island. It was still totally awesome.
Abel Tasman National Park/Motueka
So we’ll never know who Abel Tasman was because we lack the time or intellectual curiosity, but what we can tell you is that this park is totally f’ing awesome. Especially if you’re in a kayak. We have baby seal flipper prints to prove it. We had an especially amazing time here not only because we showed a negligent seal mom how to care better for her pup, but also because the scenery here makes you think the rest of the world is ugly. Also, we harvested no less than 4lbs of New Zealand Little Necks from the bay when we were done...FOR FREE..., which made this "quadruple-laser show" awesome.
Kaikoura
Come for the whales, don’t pay the nutso price to see the whales, realize this place is WAY cool with or without the whales…then enjoy. We went and saw over 50 baby seals playing in a waterfall for free...at Ohau Waterfalls. Also, we did an amazing hike around the peninsula with some of the most incredible views I’ve ever been privy to (also free…also had whales…just sayin’). Enjoy and do so in a fiscally responsible way. It will turn out to be the best way.
Hanmer Springs
Wait…what? Did you guys turn into olds that seek out ‘taking the waters’? Yes…yes we did. After driving past to try to see some more areas where Frodo touched down, we decided it might be time to turn back and actually enjoy ourselves. Turned out this was a sweet deal and we had just about had it with cold water and whales telling us how to feel. Also, the weather for the rest of the country was terrible and even our powerful American dollars were helpless to change it. Yes, the experience was slightly cheesy; we were steamy; it was worth it. We regret nothing. Great place to take a break (and bathe in egg water).
Akoroa
Holy sweet hot damn, we are so glad we came to this part of New Zealand. It’s amazing. The bay and town are all situated in the center of a nine-million year-old, extinct mega volcano…which is just cool to say. Anyhow, we were so glad we decided to come here for our penultimate night vs. an extra night in Christchurch. Erika and I went out on a penguin tour, seeing both White-Flippered Blue Penguins and Yellow-Eyed Penguins; both were incredible. Also, had some great experiences around town, highlight of which was watching the All Blacks and pretending we had the slightest idea of how rugby works. Great 'touch kick' through the 'ball poles' mates! Huzzah!! Highly recommend it and would have been happy to spend more time there.
Christchurch
We'll withhold any judgement on Christchurch as it was cold, gray and raining when we were there...but not a place we could recommend for a visit, for visting's sake. They suffered a horrible earthquake that devastated the entire city in 2011 (methinks), so there’s no fun or funny to be had here in terms of commentary. They're trying very hard to repair a very damaged city.
(5/30/2014) NEW ZEALAND: NORTH ISLAND & Our trip so far...
So, as you’ve probably seen on CNN or read in US Weekly, we’ve had some difficulties finding the perfect storm of wireless interweb connectivity and our own awakedness, but we are finally giving this blog thing the blogginess it deserves (until we fall asleep at least). So, here’s what we’ve been doing besides searching for the internet…
DOUBLE ZEALAND, ALL THE WAY!
We’ve been in the North Island of New Zealand for the past week and a half, but we recently headed to the South Island because winter has set in sooner than expected and we wanted to escape the cold. Currently, that doesn’t seem to be working, but we’ll just keep heading south until it does. Regardless, everything is so infuriatingly beautiful, we don’t even care about the temperature anymore. We’re just mad at our landscapes back home in the Northeast for half-assing their vistas. Step it up, Mount Vernon!
We’ve been in the North Island of New Zealand for the past week and a half, but we recently headed to the South Island because winter has set in sooner than expected and we wanted to escape the cold. Currently, that doesn’t seem to be working, but we’ll just keep heading south until it does. Regardless, everything is so infuriatingly beautiful, we don’t even care about the temperature anymore. We’re just mad at our landscapes back home in the Northeast for half-assing their vistas. Step it up, Mount Vernon!
SO, WHERE THE HELL HAVE WE BEEN?
Good question. If we could understand anyone, we’d tell you! Just kidding! They speak English-ish here. We have some idea. Here’s the rundown…
Good question. If we could understand anyone, we’d tell you! Just kidding! They speak English-ish here. We have some idea. Here’s the rundown…
AUCKLAND
One third of New Zealand lives here. It’s super clean, they have traffic problems, and everything is shockingly expensive. It’s not what you came to New Zealand for. That said, we did some legitimately beautiful hikes to get better views of the places that would later floor us with $14 bagels and $7 ice coffees. I jest (but not about the prices…or jesting). A very nice city with incredibly friendly people (that all robbed banks previously methinks).
WHANGAREI & THE POOR KNIGHTS ISLANDS
Whangarei, logically pronounced ‘Fung-gah-ray’, is a smaller city north of Auckland in the part of New Zealand that looks like the offspring of southern California and drunk Hawaii. As you can imagine, it’s gorgeous. While in the area, we stayed at a lovely lodging that encouraged unguided spelunking in a trio of nearby caves inhabited by glow worms. It was like a thousand tiny ravers were stuck to the ceiling of your basement during a blackout (note to self, copyright that).
Speaking of nightclubs, we went scuba diving at the Poor Knights Islands. They are a collection of islands that should be put in witness protection before Disney learns of their existence and decides to make Pirates of the Caribbean XVII: Your Sparrow Is Kiwi'd. The diving itself, while a wee-to-very chilly, was spectacular. Tons of fish, beautiful kelp beds, moray eels, stingrays, great visibility…completely worth Erika’s hypothermia by my estimation. Two shaking and pale blue ‘thumbs up!’
Speaking of nightclubs, we went scuba diving at the Poor Knights Islands. They are a collection of islands that should be put in witness protection before Disney learns of their existence and decides to make Pirates of the Caribbean XVII: Your Sparrow Is Kiwi'd. The diving itself, while a wee-to-very chilly, was spectacular. Tons of fish, beautiful kelp beds, moray eels, stingrays, great visibility…completely worth Erika’s hypothermia by my estimation. Two shaking and pale blue ‘thumbs up!’
ROTORUA
Hmmmm. How do we put this? So, Rotorua ends up in all of the guidebooks basically being described as the geothermal Yellowstone of New Zealand. In truth, it would be like Yonkers claiming to have Times Square, the Statue of Liberty and Broadway (they are New York City landmarks for those not following). Our first full day there was spent driving around town, per local’s suggestions, trying to find anything remotely geothermal. While we did see a beautiful river with some bubbling sand (legitimately cool), the extent of real geothermal activity was a collection of horrendously smelly, sulphuric mud pits strewn about the town park, abutting a rugby pitch and a playground. Thankfully, the next day we found what we looking for in an amazing spot called Wai-o-tapu—45 minutes south of Rotorua. Had everything we were imagining and more, just a day later than we would have liked.
TURANGI & TANGARIRO
Erika and I went south to Turangi in hopes of doing the famous Tongariro Alpine Crossing, but the even-more-famous Mother Nature decided to spitefully ruin that with multiple days of chilly rain. To out-spite her, we decided to do a gorgeous couple of hikes in frigid rain when it made almost no sense. Our lips are permanently blue and I now have a prosthetic pinky toe, but we win. Eat it, planet earth.
(5/27/2014) We're Trapped in a Wi-fi-less land of wonder...
See the glorious picture above? That was taken from a glorious spot in Devonport, a beautiful neighborhood in Auckland, NZ. It is also an excellent view of a wide expanse of God's country where blog-worthy WiFi is surprisingly absent. This seems to a be a theme here in New Zealand so far, and is a large part of our excuse for not having some info and pictures here. We'll be blogging the bejeebus out of this site as soon as we locate a place that Mark Zuckerberg would approve of. Be back soon...
